I can give back after receiving so much
As a fellow church member, I have found tremendous benefit from using these sacred plant medicines for healing past trauma. They have granted me invaluable guidance on how to accept my injury and how to move forward with my life. Five years ago I suffered a spinal cord injury from a diving accident leaving me paralyzed from my chest down and dependent on a wheelchair for use as a mobility aid. Within a week of my injury, I was in a long-term rehabilitation facility where I was so focused on rehabilitation that I never truly healed. Physically I was getting stronger and gaining independence, but psychologically and emotionally I was still tethered to that point in time. Last year I had an experience with a high dose of Amazonian, which uncovered all the fear and uncertainty associated with my injury. I went right into the belly of the beast and battled my demons for 3 to 4 hours. It was incredibly terrifying but incredibly cathartic and necessary. I came out of it with a deep appreciation for myself and those around me. While the work is far from over, it showed me that there is much healing to do and that these plant medicines will be there for me every step of the way. I deeply appreciate everything Zide Door and Dave Hodges have done for me. I would love to get more connected with this community and learn how I can give back after receiving so much.
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“I finally feel like I’m turning a corner”
Dear Zide Door Ambrosia and Mushroom Church: For most of my life I’ve had depressive episodes — as a child, as a young adult, as a middle-aged adult. I’ve taken anti-depressants, gone to therapy, changed my diet, taken various herbal supplements (St John’s Wort, I’m looking at you!), started a meditation practice and lived in a Zen monastery for a year. Everything helped to some extent. But I still struggled with deep internal negative messaging. I read about trauma and the brain. I took an online class in Interpersonal Neurobiology with Portland Community College, and I understood that past experience and conditioning had affected my brain in profound ways. Then I watched Michael Pollan’s Netflix series on psychedelics, and the episode on psilocybin really spoke to me. I felt that mushrooms could affect the part of my brain that had been damaged — the part controlled by self-concept. I was afraid to try a high dose; although the large dose in a safe setting looked appealing, that wasn’t available to me financially or practically. I learned about Zide Door from a friend and decided to try microdosing. I was in a therapy group at the time, and told them what I was up to. I also read about the different protocols and decided to use the Stamets protocol, since I am familiar with, and respect, Paul Stamets’ work. I started in September of 2022, using 100mg with Lion’s Mane. After the first month, I didn’t feel much. I felt a little happier, but I also felt other emotions more deeply. I felt deep grief and it was healing instead of leading to depression. As the emotions passed, I gained insights. My mind became more curious and open, and I noticed being more in touch with my creativity. Briefly I tried upping the dose to 200mg, thinking that more might work faster, but my group let me know that 200 was too high — I became too hyper and overly chatty at that higher dose. On the 100 mg, the improvement in my mood became noticeable. I was progressively more positive and happier over a period of six months. Since then, I’ve stuck with 100 mg with Lion’s Mane, taking it 4 days a week for four weeks, every other month. It’s been a year and a half, and I’m definitely happier, more confident, able to support myself emotionally even in difficult circumstances. And I’m making steady progress on my personal goals. After many years of trying to overcome repeated bouts of depression and general stagnation, I finally feel like I’m turning a corner. I am so grateful that this option is available to me. It has profoundly affected my life. Thank you, Dave Hodges, and all the members and supporters of the Zide Door Church for making this possible. With deep gratitude.
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My therapist’s job was easier during our sessions
I have to credit psilocybin with ending my toxic relationship with alcohol. I first worked with psilocybin over 20 years ago for ritual purposes, to contact my ancestors around Samhain (the Celtic festival) and for magical uses. Fast forward to 2020: I ended a personal relationship and my relationship with my job. Then came Covid and the lockdown. My heart, mind and soul were full and sad. Alcohol had been a crutch, depressant and escape. I had severe depression and contemplated suicide. But the mushroom kept coming to me in my mind and dreams. I yearned for more information and for going to the unknown. I started micro-dosing psilocybin and began therapy. My detox was manageable and I was sleeping deeply.
My days and moods were calm and happier. My therapist’s job was easier during our sessions, and I started connecting the dots as to why I drank and when. I no longer felt the need to escape. Instead, I felt my emotions and navigated through life with more ease. My Complex PTSD began easing with mushrooms and therapy. I have developed a body-mind connection. I am a Myofascial release therapist, and I see how mushrooms heal clients’ bodies and minds — and how it opens their hearts, enabling them to have empathy for themselves and for others. Now I have had three years of sobriety, and I am helping my clients with their anxiety and stressors. I am starting a nonprofit working with LBGTQ and BIPOC communities. I am part of the LBGTQ community. And I want to help give back these communities to help heal sufferers in heart, mind and soul.
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Here is my experience with magic mushrooms
Last year I had about half a handful of mushrooms while on a camping trip with my partner. I took it late in the evening, about 8 pm, which made me stay up almost all night.
Since I couldn’t sleep, I decided to listen to music. The mushroom trip affected my imagination because the songs in my playlist morphed into fictional characters. I quickly started drawing in the dark until about 4 am. By the next morning, I had pages of what would become characters for my first comic project.
Before this camping trip, I had been talking for years about writing and drawing my own comic book; but I wasn’t disciplined enough to commit to a storyline or characters. Ever since then, I had been refining these characters and focused on a storyline. Now I’m closer than ever to making this dream a reality.
I credit my progress to the mushrooms I had that night. They unlocked a potential in my creative process where I felt stuck for years. Whether my comic gets published or local recognition isn’t really the goal for me — I just feel compelled for it to exist.
Thank you for taking the time to read my story. Thank you for all that you do to make SB4 & the Church of Ambrosia accessible to the bay area & Oakland community.
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Your church is a one-of-a-kind place.
Mushrooms have healed me immensely from Complex PTSD, depression, and chronic stress ~ very grateful.
The Zide Door church has changed the way I view myself and the world around me
I moved to California at the beginning of this year after having a very tumultuous 2023. I was crippled by anxiety and depression. My view of myself was subpar and my relationship with myself was suffering because of my unhappiness.
I got to San Francisco January 16 of this year and within a couple days I heard about the church. I had to go see for myself. I show up to one of the most warm storefronts I’ve ever been to. Even the security at the front had a joke and a smile.
I go to the front and the gentleman at the desk was so welcoming. He ushers me to the back where I get to talk to some of the most knowledgeable people about a possible transcendent experience.
After speaking to a couple of the associates I get my samples and I go home. Over the course of the next couple weeks I have some breakthrough experiences. I feel my brain chemistry changing and my relationship and view of myself has completely turned around.
I still manage my mental health in other ways, but having access to psilocybin and learning about the benefits of introspection through micro dosing and macro dosing has changed my life forever.
I think you all should know how much you’ve affected my life in just a couple of months. Thank you so much for existing.
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I enjoy plant medicine
Mushrooms helped me cope with PTSD from being shot 3 times.
I took Mother Nature’s hand, and she has shown me so much!
I love the abundance that’s all around us once we tap in.
I have learned more about herbalism and self love.
Zide Door is amazing and I love that they provide us with so much love and fungus.
We all need to connect with the fungus that’s among us!🙏🏾❤️
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It’s incredibly calming and soothing knowing that there is a solution
I love the work you are doing in the community, the healing and growth you are making available for the people, and the sacrifice that it takes to fight the system and ignorance in order to do good. You are honored and appreciated!
I visited the church during the pandemic when I was recovering from a concussion that induced a depression from hell! That was some gnarly, scary shit. Mushrooms were recommended for micro-dosing to renew and build new neural connections (synapses) and in a larger dose to help with depression. They have helped me do both, and I’m so deeply indebted to you for holding space and making plant medicines available.
I have since had some hormonally induced short series of depressions, apparently this happens during perimenopause. I wish academia and society focused more on women’s health, I can’t believe that women have to deal with this and nobody’s talking about it or trying to solve it?! Again, mushrooms helped me get through that and I’ve been coasting since. It’s incredibly calming and soothing knowing that there is a solution, that we’re not victims to what’s happening to us biologically.
I’ve since started studying Psychedelics, Altered Mind States and Transpersonal Psychology at Alef Trust and have started graduate school in Psychology and Neuroscience of Mental Health. My focus is trauma, ADHD, and women’s health (since we have these hormonal fluctuations that impact our cognitive function, moods & overall wellbeing).
I LOVE listening and learning and connecting with others through the church.
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I just find myself opening my heart more
I started visiting Zide Door in 2021 at the Oakland location. I have seen gradual positive changes in my life since. I feel like my heart has become more open. I am more open to exchanges and interactions with the people I come across. I also find myself more okay with the uncertainty and complexities of life. Even if I don’t know how a situation will turn out I have more peace with the not knowing. I recently reunited with my estranged father after 5 years of not speaking. I just find myself opening my heart more, forgiving people who have hurt me and being okay with ambiguity in my life. I feel like these positive changes are linked to my Zide Door visits.
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Thank you for all the work the church does
I started my journey with psychedelics in the summer of 2021 when I found myself dissatisfied with psychiatric medicine. I’ve had many “bad” and “good” trips. But at the end of the day, those are just interpretations of what’s going on in the subconscious mind. All of my unhealthy behaviors were brought out, the aspects of my personality and the emotions that join them were brought out, etc. It has been a great help in realizing that I’m an actual living thinking human. A lot of mistakes, but also a lot of good. Nature’s medicine has also allowed me to experience the present, which is all we have. I still struggle with building a healthy relationship with the animal mind, aka the ego, so I can be present 24/7. But I would’ve never been here had I not decided to experience Mother Nature’s mind altering substances. I am beginning to experience existential contentment by simply shutting the mind off while still being aware of my environment. I have realized that showing genuine respect, kindness, understanding, and confidence is really the only way humans should live. Our violent history is caused by nothing but cognitive dissonance. Everything I used to hate were just things I hated about myself. I know that other humans have already figured this out without the use of psychedelics, as it is seemingly “common sense.” But when a person goes throughout life, mental afflictions are inevitable, and we lose touch with what we already know. The substances were a really good kick in the ass to help me realize that in a more efficient manner. Thank you for reading, and thank you for all the work the church does.
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This experience left me in a euphoria I haven’t felt before
This is Daniel, a member of the church for the last year. My psilocybin journey started three years ago in a critical part of my life. I had been going to college for a couple of years and I was at a point of stagnation mentally where I felt lost in my reason for doing many things that I was doing. I had no more juice to give out to the world. After my first experience with psilocybin, there was a two-week period where I felt so light because it allowed me to confront some deep questions that I have never confronted and allowed me to open up a new flower. This experience left me in a euphoria I haven’t felt before. I took many other mushrooms after this but I didn’t feel this euphoria again until I came to Zide Door and I chose a psilocybin mushroom recommended by the staff. A close friend and I took it together and to this day every time we come together we talk about the effect the session had on us.
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Taking mushrooms has allowed me to get off of antidepressants
I am a psychotherapist. A client of mine told me about the positive effect of taking a microdose. It intrigued me. I did my research, found Zide Door and tried a microdose for myself. The first time I did, I felt it stitched me together internally. This positive effect lasted for an extended period. I shared my positive experience with my partner and friends. One friend has found relief from their lifelong depression through microdosing 2 times a week. I continue to microdose occasionally when I feel especially low in mood and energy. It helps me have a clear mind, focus productively and get through the day. Taking mushrooms has allowed me to get off of antidepressants. I appreciate that I don’t have to take it every day and can decide when I want/need the support microdosing provides.
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I haven’t turned back since. I even quit drinking.
My story with entheogens starts when I was 20. I was a very hyperactive, anxious, and depressed individual. I was on the brink of suicide with each passing day. Then one night I was offered some psychedelic mushrooms. That night my mind exploded with all the different emotions. It was like I was facing myself and learning from myself. I knew at that moment that learning and growing was my way of achieving the happiness I was looking for. That night I faced them and then started slowly getting into micro-dosing. I haven’t turned back since. I even quit drinking. I’ve never felt better. I owe my life to entheogens.
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Thank God I was able to find access to this wonderful therapy
Mushroom therapy saved me during the pandemic. I was depressed beyond belief due to a chronic illness (ME/CFS) and the loneliness of the pandemic, each of which allowed me the time to ruminate on deep-rooted past problems. I called it my time in the Pit of Despair. I told my husband I can’t go on like this, I need mushroom therapy like I had been researching and talking to him about. And I need it now. I didn’t have any connections in this arena, but through a micro-dosing course, I found someone in Santa Barbara who could help me. That weekend my husband and I drove down to Santa Barbara and stayed in a hotel. I did 5 g of mushroom tea (it took that much to break through my barriers!) with a wonderful guide for a 6-hour profound and therapeutic session! It had immediate effects, I’m talking right afterwards. I was lifted from my Pit of Despair, and also miraculously started solving personal problems. My brain had changed. It wasn’t permanent, but it saved my life at the exact time that I needed it. Thank God I was able to find access to this wonderful therapy. I have since stayed out of the Pit with the help of mushrooms and other psychedelics such as ketamine. And my deep appreciation to Zide Door for your part in my healing journey!
I am writing you on behalf of my wife and I both have had our fair share of trauma and mental health issues. My wife has really been a caretaker for me in the past. My C-PTSD got to a point where I could not leave the house at all. Unable to work, socialize, take care of my most basic needs, I had become a shell of myself. My OCD made it impossible to get anything done. I was stuck. Miserable. I have seen psychiatrists and psychologists since I was a teenager and nothing ever really helped. Sucked into addiction like so many young queer people and abusing narcotics and alcohol in an attempt to not feel anything at all, I only perpetuated these issues.
Being such a control freak, I have had a lifelong fear of psychedelics. I would never had thought in a million years I would take them willingly. It was only my wife’s encouragement. Seeing how exhausted she was trying to help me. That’s what pushed me to a point I was willing to do anything. Last year I took a trip. I went into it knowing it may not be pleasant. My goal was neurogenesis. I cannot explain everything that happened. I hallucinated a lot. It felt like weeks long. But I also walked through my entire life. I had the opportunity to go back in time and nurture my younger self. I gained immediate perspective into all of my projecting.
I emerged grasping much more of the bigger picture for the first time. I no longer have OCD. I am able to go to work. I enjoy going out. I laugh and am happy to be alive. I now microdose daily. If I had not found mushrooms. I do not know how much longer I would have lasted. I have watched mushrooms give my wife the ability to process so much pain and finally have the ability to love herself and figure out who she is (spoiler she’s amazing). My wife and I (our family) credit mushrooms for having the ability to live and enjoy the present, rather than run in fear constantly.